Most people are surprised to learn I was in the Army. To be truthful, so am I. On this Veteran’s Day, it is humbling to be recognized in the midst of men and women who have fought in combat, served long years of their lives, deployed many times, and been in very real danger while leaving their own spouses and children to fight for my freedom. I don’t feel worthy to be counted among such heroes as those.
My story started out quite differently than you might expect– an introvert who did not like to speak publicly, with hair down to my waist, glasses, and nerd-to-the-core, I received a piece of mass mail in my mailbox my first year of college. It simply said, “Join the Army. Information meeting on this date/time.” I didn’t even think twice before nearly throwing it away in the nearest trash can only feet from my mailbox, but then heard a still small voice that I knew well, saying “Yes, Karen – I want you to join the Army.”
I wrestled with this for awhile, prayed for signs, prayed for anything to be clear that I heard wrong – surely God was not calling me to this. After all, I’d never even exercised before in my life! I thought I’d be a pacifist if they ever instituted the draft for females, so why was God asking this of me?
Bottom line, He did. And I said yes. And I didn’t fit in from day 1. Not only was I so bad at running, that the whole formation would have to circle back and get me, I was getting winded just sprinting with two full canteens of water strapped to my waist. Then add 16 sets of stadium stairs with ruck-sacks full and 2 miles of laps around the football field on top of that. Then flipping upside down at the top of a cliff while rappelling, completely dependent on the person below (the belay) holding the rope fast to keep me from falling. And this was just the first year of ROTC.
Eventually I got stronger, was able to keep up with running, even run faster than others, to tackle those stadium stairs, to do much more than I thought I’d be able. Then came Officer Basic Camp.
Enlisted personnel laugh at Officer Basic Camp, so much easier than what they go through. But for me, it was one of the hardest things I had ever done. At one point, I was literally on top of a single rope stretched between two trees, six feet above the ground, with an instructor shouting at me from below to cross the rope (on my belly). I froze. It seemed that every movement I made, my balance would shift too far to one side – how to you lay on top of a rope and not fall? In that moment, with the yelling in my ears and my teammates cheering me on but looking worried (if I failed, the team failed) – I closed my eyes and cried out to God. I was stuck, and I knew that the only way I would make it through this was with God’s help.
And God helped.
Later, during that same camp, I remember sleeping outside in cold Seattle nights tucked into my sleeping bag on the ground with my M16 rifle literally fastened into the belt around my waist, because the cadre would come to steal your weapon at night. If they were successful, you would be severely punished. I’ve never been so tired before – to the point I even ate straight coffee grounds to help me stay awake while having to lie perfectly still on my belly with my eye aimed down my rifle sites on guard duty.
Fast forward a few years, I was an Army Nurse. Brand new nurse yet still the charge nurse as an officer – along with 7 other brand new nurses on the same nursing floor in Korea. Getting yelled at by doctors for things I didn’t know as a new nurse, getting yelled at by patients who had served 20 years and didn’t feel they should be in the same room with a private. Learning to navigate in a foreign land. Enjoying the travel. Getting trained in Labor/Delivery nursing (in Hawaii, great place for training!)
Then moving back stateside. Now the hardship was in the schedule. After one particularly hard time in which I worked 70-80 hours each for 3 consecutive weeks (and vented to the wrong person and got called into the Lieutenant Colonel’s office – thankfully she liked me and did not pursue the disciplinary action she could have though my schedule did not improve) on a unit that delivered 300 or more babies per month, again I was broken physically and mentally and had to cry out to God to get me through.
Then came the deployment orders. To Iraq. It’s tough for an early 20-something to go to the military legal office and write a will and set up a Power of Attorney in case I returned home either dead or unable to make my own healthcare decisions. Again, I was broken to the point of realizing I had nothing in myself I could depend on – I could only depend on God.
Through some miracle, my deployment orders were eventually cancelled – and shortly after, I had completed my 4-year active duty requirement. Four more years remained of “inactive reserve” where the Army called me periodically just to make sure they still had my correct contact information. Sometimes they hinted that inactive reserves were being called up more and more, that I may be called soon. My first son was born, then my second. Still, the military called and said be ready. I dreaded the thought of having to leave my young sons to go back to active duty and possibly into a war zone. Yet what could I do? Only rely on God.
Finally, my 4 years of inactive reserve were complete. I went through the paperwork process of resigning my commission and being honorably discharged. But when I tried to fax in that final paperwork, the local “fax” shop (I lived in a very rural area, there were not many options for faxing) tried 8 times to send it through, unsuccessfully. I started to panic, when I heard a still small voice again say, “Karen, have you asked Me if you can end your military commitment?” No, I had not. I stopped and prayed right there in the fax shop, surrendering my fears to God, my worries, my family. Asking God if it was okay with Him if I finish my military commitment. I felt that yes, it was time. I asked the lady in the fax shop to try one more time, and it went through without a problem that time.
Being at the end of myself. Being broken physically, mentally, emotionally. Learning I cannot depend on myself. Yet coming to a point where I KNOW I can rely and have complete dependence on God.
This is what it means to me to be a veteran.
Thank You God for being faithful to see me through when I was broken and unable to carry on without You. Thank You for calling me to serve in the Army for a season, for now I can always look back on this time of my life knowing that if You got me through that, You can get me through anything. Thank You for all the men and women who have served and are continuing to serve, please protect them and help them rely on You. Keep them safe, and keep their families safe. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Seeing Christ in Daily Life 